I've been meaning to write for a few days... I've been meaning, but haven't got around to doing it yet. The temperatures here have gone up and above 40ºC, leaving me fatigued, sweaty and unable to move a finger, and, with it all, seemingly wordless...
It's Thursday morning and I'm sitting here waiting for my daughter to wake up and dreading the moment when she does so... This night, closing on midnight, our little Margarida - one of my daughter's hamsters - exhaled her last breath in my hands. I don't know if you know how it feels like sensing the last threads of life breaking away and leaving all the space in the world to silence, coldness and nothing... The familiar packaging being there but emptied, not the same. It's not my first time - but every time it's even more heartbreaking than the one before, up to the point that you feel like you won't be taking it the next time.
There's an emptiness inside me today, some sort of apathy. There's a knot in my throat and, at any moment, the need of clarity to explain that despite our middle of the night run to the vet, the meds and the fact that she seemed revived for a while there, she's not here anymore. For a 5 year old, it's like telling her she has lost one of her parents. For this 30 year old, feels like I've lost a dear friend.
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I'm so sorry dearest. I can't say I know how it feels to hold someone who is exhaling his/her last breath, I've never had to experience that. I've just been nearby when it's happened and it's always a shock to see something vivid suddenly become motionless. What was just there isn't anymore. I can't imagine how Princess will take the news when she wakes up - because how can a 5yr old grasp something that even I can't quite understand? Thinking of you and sending lots and lots of love and hugs!!! <3
I'm so sorry. :( --Kati
Got the whole family in bed, Sandra´s writing letters, Wilo is watching pingu (cartoon) and Des is doing his "thing"...which, to be honest, is nothing really. I was (am) browsing through the laptop searching for excuses to still be in bed...and then I found U´r blogg, nicely tucked away under "Sandra´s favourites"...thought I´d have a sneak peak and maybe post a smart witty coment. I´m kinda stumped though...how to post a smart/witty coment about a post describing the anguish and sorrow of a loved one who has passed away? I fail and instead I send my (our) condolances
@Henrik: Now you've found my hiding corner... Haven't found so much time to write these days, so I'm way behind on my writing goals. :-) There are other posts though, you should take a look... Sending hugs the 4 of you! Missing you guys! :-)
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